I was at a bar with my girlfriend one night, a couple years ago, when my eyes were drawn to a woman whose outfit left very little to the imagination, to say the least. She was as naked as one could possibly be — without actually being naked. It was as if she covered up just enough to avoid getting arrested. I was awestruck, and turned to my girlfriend to bring her attention to this spectacle:
“Look at her! Can you believe it!?”
My girlfriend was not amused. I should have realized my error right away, yet I continued.
“Wow! You can see everything! That’s crazy!”
An earthquake wouldn’t have broken my concentration. I don’t know how much time passed, but once the initial shock wore off I turned back to my girlfriend. The unbroken gaze I directed at the scantily-clad woman was nothing compared to the intensity of the one I found upon me. Her eyes were so wide I thought they might fall out of their sockets. Her arms were crossed. Her lips were pressed tightly together. If the moment called for comedy — which it certainly did not — steam would be shooting out of her ears. She didn’t say a word, but I knew exactly what she was thinking. I’d be sleeping alone that night.
We convey so many emotions through our body language. This is important to note because how we project ourselves affects how others perceive us. What we say verbally is supplemented by, or detracted by, what we do with our body. I’ve always been a big believer in the “who cares what other people think” school of thought, but there are situations where it does not apply, such as a job interview or workplace presentation.
Amy Cuddy, an associate professor of business administration at Harvard Business School, gave a TED Talk last year that on the subject that has over 4,300,000 views (found here). The most fascinating part of her speech is that our body language doesn’t just affect how others perceive us, it affects how we perceive ourselves.
Studies have shown that when we stand in a “power pose” for two minutes our testosterone increases and our cortisone, responsible for stress, decreases. The opposite is true when we stand or sit in closed positions (arms or legs crossed, touching our elbow or face, etc…). As Professor Cuddy suggests, even when you do not feel confident, you should fake it using your body language. Next time you wait to go onto a stage, in front of your peers, or into a job interview, you should sit or stand in a power pose — that is, widen yourself by being erect and having your arms by your side. You will force a physiological change in your body and make yourself feel more confident.
One of the many things Sir Attenborough teaches us in Planet Earth is that animals spread as wide as possible when trying to attract a mate. Birds feathers puff outwards. Monkeys raise their arms in the air. Animals want to be as big and colourful as possible. Some men, not as far removed from their animal ancestors as the rest of us, intentionally dress ridiculously to attract women, in a strategy known as “peacocking”. Body language is wired into our brains and is one way we judge each others confidence, sexual suitability, intelligence, etc…
Politicians know the power of body language. They have people coaching them daily on how to speak and what tone to strike. When two rival candidates shake hands before a debate there is often a comical display of posturing, with excessive shoulder patting and unnaturally wide smiles. It can seem silly, but there is truth behind it. Most of us, to varying degrees, judge politicians based on how they carry themselves. A common criticism of Mitt Romney was that he appeared cold and his smile insincere, qualities that don’t reflect how he would manage the economy or direct foreign policy.
The takeaway here is that it is important to give some thought to your body language. It might be the reason you haven’t gotten a date in a while or why you didn’t get hired after a job interview. If it doesn’t feel natural to stand or sit confidently, fake it. The job/man/woman of your dreams might soon be yours!
Assorted Timbits 